[Opinion] 2017 Summer Movie Predictions

You have in front of you the only summer movie prediction post guaranteed to get it all wrong. I’m not a Hollywood analyst out there tracking the interest of movie releases, nor am I an avid follower of the people that actually do that sort of thing. I’m just a dude who writes about beer and movie for fun that likes to swing wildly timely trends from time to time. 

Today, it’s ranking this summer’s (2017 for all you futuristic hobos slummin it on the net) movie releases in order of how well I think they’ll do at the box office–just the top ten though. If you read last year’s you already know how comically misinformed this is about it get. Now that we know the game though, let’s just get this over with so I can get back to my case of beer, shall we? 

(1) Spider-Man: Homecoming – With a trio of superhero tinged releases to pick from I am hedging my bets that people losing their sh*t at Spidey’s appearance in Civil War translates to big bucks this year. Or by the end of summer I’ll just go along ignoring how painfully wrong I always am and that’s why I don’t get paid the big bucks. I flip flopped this and number two around several times and I came down to putting this at the top as my Hail Mary. 

(2) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – This could go either way really with my top 2. Personally, I’d rather see this rake up at the box office (I’ve seen it and it’s very good). In the end, it’s my fondness for Chris Pratt and the first flick driving my good will seeing as how this flick is basically everything you loved about the first one except more of it. Plus….baby Groot.  

(3) Despicable Me 3 – I don’t like the Despicable Me movies. I don’t like the minions. Yet, if there’s one thing I know it’s that audiences don’t care what I like and that’s why I think this is gonna make some nice cash. And since I don’t win or lose anything for being wrong, man do I hope it tanks…so we can end this sh*t once and for all. Unless my daughter loves it, in which case I’ll throw my hat into the ring to write the next one which will be rejected for being too depressing and violent. 

(4) Transformers: The Last Knight – Another movie franchise I hate that’s bound for a massive payday. Let’s forget that I have positively reviewed more than one Transformers flick–memory is a nasty thing–these movies are terrible. They are pretty to look at, despite how incomprehensible the action is, but pretty nonetheless. Please, for the love of God can we get anyone besides Bay to direct one of these?!

(5) Wonder Woman – Batman V Superman was so freaking disappointing that I hope Wonder Woman slays critically–but part of me knows it won’t. All the signs point to it being another ho hum DC adaptation that has its cheerleaders, but will fail to impress at Marvel levels. Of course that doesn’t mean it won’t make money–Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad taught us that much. I just don’t think this will do AS well. 

(6) War For the Planet of the Apes – Let’s call this one wishful thinking. I love the new ‘of the Apes’ movies so much that I want this to wreck the box office and prove me wrong by being #1. However, I fear that even at #6 I’m being cautiously optimistic by a long shot. I definitely want a kick ass movie first, but success would be the cherry on top. 

(7) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – It’s been a while so maybe it’s been long enough for the demand for these movies to creep back up. That’s what I’m betting on here at least. If the newest Alice in Wonderland taught us anything it’s that Depp isn’t the draw he once was even doing his annoying dress up schtick. This one could be a bit of a risk as I could see this flopping real hard even if it is well reviewed. 

(8) Cars 3 – Cars 2 was such a dud I’m shocked to even be talking about this. However, this is Pixar and they know how to make money, so it’d be even more shocking to not see this make the top 10. Hell this might even be a case where I’m not being generous enough. 

(9) Baywatch – This one is a real reach for me. I have no idea what kind of cultural pull Baywatch has. It is also going to be a test to see what kind of draw Dwayne Johnson is outside of the Fast & Furious movies (Moana excluded). We know Zac Efron can’t quite do it (Bad Grandpa) so the success of this is going to hinge on how strong the jokes are which should drive the word of mouth combined with The Rock’s star power. 

(10) Dunkirk – The Chris Nolan fanboy in me not only wants this to rake in money, but be of stellar quality. Interstellar didn’t really do it for me, so I’m hoping for a return to Inception and The Dark Knight form. However, being a period piece and not quite of the typical summer blockbuster brand this could fall well outside the top 10. Plus, it’s a late summer flick that won’t have much time to compete with the real heavy hitters. 

**** Wild Cards ****

The Emoji Movie – Let’s face it, we all use them. Some begrungingly, some out of necessity–but we use them. There has to be a curiosity to see how this translates to film and being an animated kids flick it’s going to make money–how much is real tough to tell. Plus, who doesn’t want to see how the poop emoji is handled? If this one lands in the top 10, it’ll be near the middle of the pack and not be as successful as Despicable Me or Cars. 

Alien: Covenant – I just don’t know, man. Prometheus is still a much debated flick to the point that analyzing Alien’s popularity still seems to be “of a type”. Horror buffs are gonna be there with bells on and deal with the love or disappoint on a case by case basis. The masses just might not give a sh*t anymore. If and I mean this is a big if this sneaks into the top 10 it’ll be near the bottom knocking off Dunkirk but be slightly more successful than Baywatch. 

The Mummy – This movie looks awful. I’m not even behind the idea of a this new Universal monster universe reboot as action horror flicks. Maybe I’ll be wrong and it’ll be a fun little popcorn flick–in fact I hope that’s what it is–but simply having Tom Cruise attached does not guarentee box office gold. If this makes it on the list I again believe it’ll at or near the bottom of te lake. 

What do you think will be 2017’s box office winner?

[Beer Review] 4 County Pale Ale by Kinkaider Brewing Company

Another April Fool’s Day and another fresh load of hoppy deliciousness from the gold folks at Kinkaider Brewing Company. Maybe you remember last year at this time they unleashed hours old bottles of their Frame the Butcher IPA throughout Nebraska–something that almost never happens in the Cornhusker state and something local politicians were recently trying to make impossible to ever happen again…but let’s not go there. This year Kinkaider chose this usually awful and obnoxious day to debut the updated recipe of their 4 County Pale Ale and have it available or in the hands of customers within hours–bottled April 1, 2017, delivered to stores April 1, 2017 in six packs of 12oz bottles and on draft.

Previously brewed exclusively with Cascade, the new recipe enlists the unique and broad qualities of Equinox, Citra, Cascade and 7C’s (which itself is a blend of Cascade, Centennial, Chinook, Cluster, Citra, Columbus and Crystal hops). The new and (SPOILER ALERT) improved version of 4 County Pale Ale pours very cloudy, settling into a reddish orange/amber color in the glass with a fingers worth of off-white head.   The beer is beautifully hazy (not turbid–like the trendy wave of New England Style hop bombs) showing distinct signs of being unfiltered and packed with glorious hop flavors.  (more…)

[Beer Review] Red Velvet by Ballast Point Brewing Company

bpredvelvet_tgofThe dessert beer is a tricky tart to perfect. Of course, opinions vary and some will swig down just about anything based on a name regardless if the beer actually delivers on the flavors it promises. The perils are real though. Dessert beers can verge on sickly sweet to flat out not being able to cash in on its promises. Ballast Point’s Red Velvet falls somewhere in the middle.

This review focuses on the release of the six pack of 12 oz nitro bottles that were recently released. As the bottle promises the beer is nitrogenated and pours light pink and cascades beautifully leaving a deep red hued beer with a creamy, slightly pink head that resembles cream cheese frosting. The aroma is lacking quite a bit with muted notes of light malts, vanilla and hints of chocolate.

It’s worth noting that this beer is an golden oatmeal stout with chocolate and natural flavors added. So, in being a “golden stout” it allows for the intense red color from the beets to come through so vividly. Before moving into the taste it’s also worth noting that I have never had a beet in my entire life. Prior to this beer I’ve only ever even had one beer that utilized beets and it was a sour…three years ago, so there’s no way to rely on my ability to recognize the actual beet characteristics of the use in this particular beer. If you’re lost, let me explain. (more…)

[Opinion] What’s So Great About ‘Shower Beer’

showerbeer_championbrewing_tgofshowerbeer_championbrewing_tgofShower beer. For some, that is a new and confusing term. Other’s its a relaxing escape from the stresses of everyday life. Ladies, you know how blissful it is to run a nice hot bath and sit back with some candles, maybe a nice glass of wine and just shut yourself off from the world. Shower beer, while arguably not as peaceful, rivals the other’s potential as a perfect way to unwind after a long hard day of adulting.

To clarify, neither activity is gender specific. Men and women alike can choose whatever path floats their boat. The question is–what is it about drinking a beer in the shower that makes it so damned satisfying? Then again, maybe you’ve done it and don’t see the appeal. Both sides can coexist believe it or not and whether you’re pro shower beer or have no idea what the draw is, neither of you are wrong.

On the pro side, surface level, there’s something freeing about being soapy and naked while drinking a beer without judgements–except your own if you catch a glimpse of your reflection in shiny silver shower knob. I’d have to have a whole lot more scientific experience in my background to give you any hard facts about whether or not it has any healing properties or other positive effects for the skin. From my perspective, it’s biggest draw is psychological at best and even that might be a stretch. (more…)

[Movie Review] ‘Logan’ Infuses Heart and Violence into a Potent Cocktail

logan_poster-tgofWhile superhero fatigue still has me in its icy grip, along comes Logan to warm that chill–at least temporarily. Perhaps it’s the, at times, overwhelming violence or the emotional vulnerability of being a new dad that makes the arc Wolverine’s final chapter that much more effective. Whatever way you look at it, Hugh Jackman’s curtain call as the claw wielding potty-mouth is a fitting and emotional bow that might rely a little too much on its R rating and hero cliches.

Picking up in 2029 where mutant residency has since passed, Logan spends his days driving a limo for drunk brides and frat boys chanting ‘Merica near the US/Mexico border. South of the border Logan lives with Caliban (Stephen Merchant) and an aged Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart with his most powerful portrayal as Professor X to date) suffering dementia and the occasional population crippling seizure. With his health steadily declining and his body unwilling to heal like it used to Logan begrudgingly accepts to transport a young mutant, Laura (Dafne Keen), with powers strikingly similar to his own, North across the Canadian border and hopefully to safety away from the research facility tracking her down. (more…)

[Movie Review] ‘Get Out’ is an Enthralling Exploration of Social Fear Through Liberal Racism

getout_tgofposterJordan Peele, a name synonymous with clever biting commentary on social issues, has stepped into the cinematic ring and delivered a one-two punch that’s more potent than anything audiences have seen in a wide release horror flick in quite some time. Get Out leans a little bit more studio than recent critical darlings such as The Witch or It Follows, but has a punch all its own that rivals some of the best genre films of all time.

Whether or not Peele’s debut feature will stand the test of time is yet to be seen, but it’s hard to imagine something this sharp and witty to get pushed back in the annals of cinema history. No, it’s not just possible, but likely that Get Out is going to be talked about amongst critics and audiences alike for the foreseeable future. Exploring the simple yet all too real awkwardness of an African-American male meeting his Caucasian girlfriend’s parents and the weird stuff going on within the grounds of the family’s sizable estate. From scene one, Peele sets an uneasy yet humorous stage with an intro that features a black male waltzing in a suburban neighborhood at night before befalling something a little spooky. The racial factor is of course not lost on an audience of any race or gender, but is in fact a fear I’m sure we’ve all had walking late at night in unfamiliar territory–the possibility of being stalked by someone with less than noble intentions.  (more…)

[Movie Review] ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ is Heavy on Cheese and Light on Kink

fiftyshadesdarker_postertgofLet’s be honest with one another–the Fifty Shades series is an easy target for snarky critics. There’s not much of a challenge in sitting down and pinpointing every illogical turn the movie takes and every laughable line of dialogue uttered by actors who seem as tickled about what they are saying as we are hearing it. It’s hard to take a breath, collect oneself and approach a movie like Fifty Shades Darker and pick out why you should see it–and trust me, no one involved has made it easy.

For every one thing good you can say about James Foley’s film there are a handful more pushing into the spotlight to ruining it for the rest of us. Yet we march on–Fifty Shades Darker picks up shortly after the first film as Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) continues to creepily pine for the plain Jane, Anastasia (Dakota Johnson). After a half-hearted attempt to brush him off, Anastasia agrees to meet with Christian to renegotiate the terms of their “arrangement”. As they embark on their new relationship Christian’s past and Anastasia’s vanilla sex appeal proves to be a little more complicated than they anticipated.  (more…)

[Movie Review] ‘The LEGO Batman Movie’ is the Hilarious and Heartfelt Hero We Deserve

In 2016 we saw Batman twice in theaters and for most of us, we left those two encounters less than enthusiastic. With Warner Bros. flailing wildly in need of a hit, in steps some tiny plastic toys to save the day. Even with as good as The LEGO Batman Movie is, it also amplifies how inept Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad were at the most fundamental level–being entertaining. In a way, the latest in the Batman universe acts as a sincere apology for the aforementioned disappointments.

To be fair The LEGO Batman Movie has the benefit of irreverent humor that leans heavily in meta territory. The film exists in a world where Gotham City and its citizens are kind of tired of Batman’s shenanigans. Years of fighting bad guys and yet crime rates are as high as ever. Even Batman’s greatest enemy, Joker, has decided that he must concoct a new scheme to get the Caped Crusader in touch with his emotions. With the help of a recently adopted orphan, Dick Grayson, and the city’s new commissioner, Barbara Gordon, Batman embarks on a mission to save his tarnished reputation and the city.  (more…)

[Movie Review] M. Night Has ‘Split’ Personalities

split_tgofposterAdvice for Split…just sit back, relax and enjoy the one man show that is James McAvoy. Don’t wait for a twist. Don’t expect M. Night to drop the ball at some point. Just find a comfortably groove in your theater seat and picture yourself at one of the greatest one man shows you’ve seen in recent memory–maybe ever.

M. Night Shim Sham has certainly made a name for himself over the last decade or so–and not all in a good way. After breaking onto the scene and becoming known as the master of the twist it then quickly became his Achilles heel. When The Visit was released last year people were giddy with the idea that the filmmaker had reinvented himself–that the filmmaker who had grown to be waaay into himself as an artist and the twist machine was running on empty had finally turned a corner. Split continues that progression, but in a much different way.  (more…)

[Movie Review] Crying Tears of Red, White & Blue for ‘Patriots Day’

patriotsday_tgofposterPeter Berg has clawed his way into a comfortable if controversial niche. Some might call it shameless exploitation of national tragedy, but the filmmaker for the most part manages to treat these sensitive topics with just enough respect to skate by. Patriot’s Day is Berg’s second release of 2016, but one that strike’s a chord that’s still a little fresher in our memories. Perhaps the most surprising is that while the film focuses less on the marathon bombing and more on the following investigation and capture of those responsible. The result is a rousing thriller that just happens to be based on real-life events that still manages to force out some tears.

Unlike most of Berg’s latest true story films you’d be hard pressed to have to explain the Boston marathon bombing to just about anyone old enough to have the urge to see the movie. The film focuses on the involvement of a hobbled police officer, Tommy Saunders (Berg’s muse, Mark Wahlberg), who finds himself at ground zero of finish line explosions and wrapped up in several aspects of the following investigation. Along the way there are a number of high profile actors poking there heads in for their masculine man-isms and over written one-liners but Wahlberg’s character easily shares the majority of the spotlight.  (more…)