You may begin to notice a few changes in the coming weeks/months here at Tall Glass of Film. The first will be a name change forthcoming. The changes coming are part of my attempt to mediate time spent doing one of my favorite things (writing) by including all relevant aspects of it into the medium. I’m a dad who loves movies, beer, the Chicago Cubs and writing. So I’m the future this blog will have a combination of those things integrated into the posts.
You might get straightforward movie reviews and beer reviews, but also life updates as being a dad with a now 2-year old daughter. This may include the highs and lows of being a dad, funny stories, sad stories, and just random musings as the mood to write strikes. So no don’t expect your typical parenting blog or a one-dimensional review blog from here on how. The goal is to expand a bit and in the process entertain in word form.
So to begin a slow transition, here’s a quadruple dose of short movie reviews! Note: Haven’t decided if the ratings are gonna stick around or not. So if you like or dislike them, lemme know. I can use any and all feedback based on what anyone stumbling across this likes to see.
Adam Green is a director with a clear passion for the genre he works in almost exclusively. That passion doesn’t always translate successfully, but it’s evident in how he talks about it on his and Joe Lynch’s podcast, “The Movie Crypt”, and it’s evident in the visual presentation of his movies. It’s the content that sometimes falls flat–particularly within the Hatchet franchise.
Victor Crowley sees Green returning to the swamp that essentially launched his career and more so than ever before it feels like he’s having a blast delivering the gory goods. Picking up a decade after the events of the first film, Andrew (Perry Shen), is a ostracized survivor often accused of the murders that were perpetrated by Victor Crowley. While making the rounds with his book telling his side of what happened in that Louisiana swamp he’s lured back by the promise of a massive pay-day if he gives an interview at the site of the murders. To his dismay the plane carrying him and a small crew crashes in the swamp trapping them inside, meanwhile a group a filmmakers mistakenly resurrects Cowley who picks up where he left off…dismembering anyone who is unlucky enough to cross his path.
Crowley is the modern horror icon who never met a body part he couldn’t mangle in one way or another. Green continues the bloodletting once again, allowing Crowley (reprised by the lumbering genre vet Kane Hodder) to scalp, rip off limbs, stomp skulls and generally eviscerate the flesh of any living person he encounters. Blood geysers and jelly filled prosthetics dominate each frame as Green seeks to not reinvent the wheel here, but instead just guide it back on track after a pair of poorly received sequels.
If we’re being honest with ourselves, no one flips on a movie Victor Crowley to be moved by the performances or marvel at its creative wit–this is all about the blood and guts and Green delivers all the audience can handle. Combined with a sinister yet playful sense of humor, Victor Crowley propels and hacks its way to the top of what this franchise has to offer.
We’re far and away from the explosion of homage and throwbacks. In many ways, filmmakers trying their hand at resurrecting the glory days of 70’s and 80’s schlockfests ends up being a transparent attempt to hide budget constraints. Every so often filmmakers can surprise with a surprising love letter to the style that transcends their original intentions. Psychotic! is not the latter. Still, Maxwell Frey and Derek Gibbons have crafted a love letter of sorts–just one that feels like it was sloppily written by a drunk teenager.
I don’t mean for that to sound overly negative. We all have fond memories of our drunk teenage days, but we hardly ever seek out that part of our history for doses of wisdom or taste. Psychotic! is essentially Halloween, if Halloween was about New York hipsters in a constant drug haze. The score is very much Halloween inspired, yet the violence and slasher carries tones of Giallo–the end result is a combo that’s enjoyable yet frustrating.
Hipsters and hipster culture is and will always be annoyingly infuriating and confusing (to someone like me), so Psychotic!’s characters are already set up for failure. Smug self-importance, disregard for normal speech and behavior patterns and irrational criticism run rampant which often are at odds with what a viewer like myself are willing to tolerate. Yet, there are moments of coherence that feel as though they were meant for a different movie entirely. A meta sense of humor and well staged (yet decidedly low-budget) effects are the film’s strong suit.
Pyschotic! is the type of movie that you can–like a true hipster–point at as having knowledge of while everyone else squints in disapproval. Having seen the film isn’t going to make you the superior movie geek to anyone you know, but it’s definitely worth a go if you accidentally stumble on it when browsing the depths of Netflix/Shudder one day.
If there was ever a movie that deserved to be retroactively retitled to JUMP SCARE: THE MOVIE, it’s Winchester. It’s sad to see talents like The Spierig Brothers (who helmed such fantastic films as Predestination and Daybreakers) devolve into directors for hire in studio misfires like Jigsaw and the film currently on the chopping block. Even more, it’s embarrassing to see the great Helen Mirren struggling to make any of this sound intelligent.
Mirren stars as Sarah Winchester, the heiress of the Winchester firearm fortune who is ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation when she orders the endless construction of her mansion. Adding on to the mansion isn’t so much the peculiar behavior so much as the design and impetus of the rooms being that they are meant to draw and trap the souls of victims at the hands of the various Winchester rifles that Sarah believes are haunting her looking for peace. However, Dr. Price (Jason Clarke) arrives to conduct his evaluation when a particularly powerful and vengeful spirit has taken residence in the mansion.
The lunacy of this story and the actual physical structure–which is a real place for those who might not be aware–is fascinating in and of itself. Winchester holds promise in that it’s attempting to bring some sort of coherence that translates to the screen, but fails at almost every turn. What left is a mass of wasted potential that takes the easy scare whenever it possibly can instead of squeezing an eerie sense of surrealism from its “fact” based story.
Winchester is a paint by numbers jump-scare-a-thon that doesn’t even bother to be playful by coloring even a fraction outside the lines. The Spierigs wastes its two leads in supremely disappointing fashion while further damaging their once creative promising careers in favor of yet another lazy studio cash grab.
The Cloverfield Paradox
Bad Robot shocked us all by announcing that Cloverfield 4 (currently titled Overlord) wasn’t just part of the Cloverfieldiverse, but was finished filming and could essentially drop at any time. The only issue being that at the time, the fate of Cloverfield 3 (originally titled God Particle then rumored to be called Cloverfield Station) was still up in the air. Then the genre community collectively gasped when a trailer dropped during Super Bowl 52 indicating it was ‘Coming Very Soon’ via Netflix and was now titled The Cloverfield Paradox. Nerds took to their devices, fired up Netflix and gasped once again by the words “Available After the Game”. History was officially made. A film that no one had a clue when it was going to be released was going to be available the same night its marketing premiered.
Critics didn’t screen it beforehand (allegedly) and we would all have the ability to see this thing unfold before the hype machine got rolling. Perhaps though, this was all by design. That studio worries of a film that didn’t meet their expectations lead to multiple delays and the opportunity to manufacture a buzz through a Netflix acquisition and a “Never been done before” marketing technique would drive traffic to a film that quite simply can’t live up the insanity of its release drama.
The Cloverfield Paradox is not inherently a bad movie. However, it is a frustrating experience that borders on annoying. Annoying because it has no business being a Cloverfield movie and its attempt to shoehorn it into that universe are transparent and sloppy. From the horribly written Donal Logue exposition dump that sets the stage for the entire Cloverfield universe in general, to the obvious and eye-rolling jump scare in the closing seconds–the film’s biggest faults are that it has the audacity to carry the name Cloverfield.
God Particle is the perfect name for this movie. It wouldn’t fix some of the sloppy science that’s on display nor would it save it from some of its other flaws, but it would’ve eliminated the retroactive rage that comes with tying it unnecessarily to a franchise its script clearly didn’t originally intend. As a sci-fi thriller The Cloverfield Paradox has a fascinating arc that runs parallel to extra footage shot specifically to throw the Cloverfield references in. The antics on the space station have a gleeful insanity to them as long as you ignore the dime store science it throws at you. It’s all very light and entertaining so long as you try not to peel back too many layers.
Its ties to the Cloverfieldiverse are all bad though. I have an admiration for what they are TRYING to do, but it so clearly could have been done so much better with even just a smidge more planning and execution. Serving to bridge the gap and explain in some ways how the aliens from 10 Cloverfield Lane (sorry, but if you watched Paradox without seeing Lane I don’t feel that bad about spoiling the fact that Lane has aliens) are so different from the monster we see in 2008’s Cloverfield. Also setting the stage for a different set of supernatural surprises that could be in store for us in the upcoming Overlord.
The Cloverfield Paradox while eerily familiar is worse off due to its forced connections. If it helps to ease the transition to explain this universe and its many possibilities then I for one and happy with letting it be an unfortunate blip on an otherwise promising franchise radar that just so happens to be an okay enough sci-fi thriller on its own–which might be the real paradox here.